Saturday, April 30, 2005

To travel in His name...

Prophecy from Prophet David:

"Do you like to travel? Do you like to travel? Cos i see you travelling, i see you travelling on a train. and i see you a back pack on the back, cos you are taking the gospel to different places, I see you with a strong sword in your hand. And i see u being sent out, u love to travel and u are going to take the gospel where u go, and u will take it in power. You will be sent, said the Lord."

I think i was in shock after prayer meeting, could not seem to want to talk much or say much. And i felt so strongly jus now, that a spirit was looming over me, and i rebuked it in Jesus name, and started singing, I started singing to Jesus and wanted peace to come over me..

The whole of today was very jittery and on the edge.. afraid and weird feelings in the heart, but it went away and i guess that i had a very heavy heart.. Was about to msg aunty gwen when my handphone went dead on me, i felt so strongly that something was trying to stop me, and really understood what Apostle meant by warfare.. Finally understood what it is like to want to serve the Lord and yet have so many things stopping me.. The teaching today was do not waiver, and i realised that i have waivered so much before. And now its the time to do something about it!

Amen!

Thursday, April 21, 2005

In the Beginning...

In the Beginning, God created..

Fairhavens seek to surround you with all that God so beautifully created, the serenity of the sun setting, the soft gentle whisper of the sea breeze, the rich and abundant pastures, the twinkling stars out in the cool night. All that FR seeks, is to enchant you with God's most beautiful creation, you.. The perfect combination of God's creations in one, the ambience and lastly you and your partner.. Romantically in love...


Fairhavens Romance..

Was so inspired by what my notes in the student Bible mentioned:

"People say they can see God reflected in stars, forests, sunsets. What about people? HOw can you see God's artistry in them?"

And i realized that yes... maybe that is what God wants FR to do...

GOd may we seek to only fulfill your will and noone elses..

Amen

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Day 40: Living with Purpose

A sense of accomplishment after finishing this book, but somehow i feel that God has somthing more for us as we finish this.. Looking forward to the retreat tomolo.. somehow excited to let God reveal HIs word.. excited to discuss with them how things are to be...

To write a statement, i remember when i read this book, i did not feel the urge to write the statement, but today, i feel that its time i need to re-org my life.

40 days, have i matured..

I realised tt i have grown and learnt to try my best to keep placing Jesus in the center of my life.. Yesterday, i was tempted to be angry... bt i asked myself wat would Jesus have done... recently the song kep being stuck in my mind.. Jesus.. i kept repeating the song... and seeking him for strength...

40 days, seems long and yet suddenly feel as though i willl miss not reading this book.. it seems that there is a sense of attachment i have... to want to soak in the Lord.. but somehow... perhaps now.. its the time to grow..

Amen

Day 39: Balancing your life

The Four Activities:

Sharing with a small group, Yup doing it with kuan and Veron, to internalize oursselves. I realise that everyone has faults, and to really become Christlike in character, we need to be accountable for one another, to hoestly tell each other how we feel abt their character.

Spiritual Check Up: Hmmm... think i need to find out more about how to do spiritual check up... not sure about this..

Writing in a journal: Haha thats what i am doing now, but i think i also want to write in a journal...

Pass on what i know about others: I really wan to internalise all that i learnt. Seems difficult...

AMen

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Day 38: Becoming a World Class Christian

To be a World Class Christian....

Have been to 3 mission trips during Girls' Brigade. Taught english, brought gifts, presented items, made friends, sang songs, had fun, fellowshipped. But i realised none of the above actually came to a point in time, wherby i really went there with a mission. I went there filled with enthusiasm on having fun, with the feeling of a worldly christian.

Last year i wanted to go again... But it was postponed to this year. I want to go.. and this time to go there prepared.. prepared to spread His word... and not to go there.. to play and have fun... To God be the glory...

I must earn money and build up Fairhavens Romance. I felt stuck... had school and cant seem to be able to manage my time well. But i believe that with God's help, i can. God give me the strength!

Amen.

Day 37: Sharing your life message

My life message:

Testimony: I remember beginning a relationship with Jesus when i was in Primary school, i was still very young then, and all i knew about Christianity is that Jesus died for us on the cross and if we dun believe him, we will definitely go to hell.. haha imagine me as a young girl.. i was shocked and afraid so i accepted the Lord. But i never had any encounter with Him, never understood what it meant by being a Christian. Til one year back, when my best friend, sister and boyfriend convinced me that maybe its time i went back to God.. Then my relationship really started... I was very skeptical. People believe in religions so as they can have hope in life. Maybe there is no such a thing as God.. i use to think.. and i did not understand why people had so much feelings about Jesus...

Slowly through many incidents, i understood and felt the reason why. I saw how miraculous God is.. how he managed to save jerome and mercy from the serious accident, how he managed to let us pull through financial difficulties.. My relationship with him.. had jus begun.. Jesus was jus starting a mission in my life..

My life lessons: I was spolit, lazy, proud, arrogant, miss know it all... But GOd brought me down to humility. I remembered saying once that i hate sales, and will nevere do sales. But He led me to astral mag... forced me to swallow my pride and put down my laziness to go for appts, to convionce people that they need the product. To learn with a humble heart. I thought i knew it all... but then... God took tt away.. and forced me to a circumstance whereby i had to lean on others for support, for money... He had to take away my pillar of support for finance... my job, my manager position and brought me back to square one again.

I never learnt my lesson, to study properly and He gave it back to me again. He made me concentrate, make new friends.

I had a bad temper, He knew.. and He gave me the serenity to change these. He made me calm down my temper, and let me understand that beign angry will only bring back an angry tone and voice. and things will jus get worse...

My Godly passions: To sing for Christ. For be able to touch hearts, and let the HOly spirit touch them and come to Jesus.. if it is God's will... i will use my voice for Jesus.

The Good news: I dun think i have ever tried evangelising before... so the first time i tried was on Easter Sunday, i told myself that i will try to ask my Thai friend, nalin to come to church with me.. I did not know if she qould come.. but i told GOd, that God, i will do what there needs to be done, please help me. And she came! t is not important whether or not she believed or she accpeted the Lord.. What was most important was that i could add a plus to her journey in life... and someday.. when the pluses add up and she finally accepts Jesus into her life... i was one of those pluses...

He has taught me so many things, without HIm, i will not have curbed my temper today. Without Jesus's help. i would not have the patience to accomplish anything...

Who does God want me to share it with?
I cant seem to think of any one now.. as God leads i guess...

Amen

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Day 36: Made for a mission

What keeps me from sharing the Good news?

Perhaps rejection, and the fear of the unknown... when i am not confident of something, then u woll not share.. then what am i not confident about? I guess i remeber when i first joined Astral Mag, i remembered that i did not dare share with my friends about AM, cos i was not confident, and there were lots of faults that i found in the company...

But after i became more confident, or rather, after i psyched myself up for it, i really went full swing, putting my heart and soul into the whole thing, but i am afraid... afraid that again i will go full swing into bringing ppl to Christ, and then find out tt i made a mistake... But i fully know that God is with me and He understands my fear..

I must know that AM is different from God... no matter wat church they go to.. as long as we put a plus sign on their journey to becoming children of God...

Also i do not know much about the bible to share with others to begin with.. thats why i made a resolution to finish the bible in a year after i finish PDl....

Lord, there are still some things that i do not understand.. please guide me...

Amen
17th Months Anniversary Posted by Hello

Monday, April 11, 2005

Day 35: God's power in ur weakness

Everyday, God's message is so apt... Jerome was jus telling me, that it is my self esteem that is preventing me from singing to my hearts content... it is making me insecure, not confident... and out of my greatest strength is my greatest weakness...

And i agree tt i am the kind of person who does not want to reveal my weakness... more of a act confident person.... and usually only want to portray a happy image, rid of problems that type... But now i understand and agree to the message that i must be a person who influences rather than impress..

Again, i was seeking for confirmation about my ministry, and Apostle out of nowhere, told me to lead the song... and perhaps jus to see how i could handle... but that led me to realise my limitations,.. and for me to want to improve on myself... and veron said she felt happy worshipping the Lord thr seeing me being happy worshipping the Lord... i was a little surprised.. didnt see it coming, so Lord, is this wat u want me to know???

Had a really big revelation tonight about Jerome and my past... finally i feel that the air has been cleared... i did not avoid the topic God forced me there head on... He knows tt if this barrier is not rid of.. it will be a permanent scar...

And we finally could really sit down and understand each other... i should have done htis earlier,.. my rashness and pride took over every other time.. but today was God's Kairo... and he made us understand...

Today at service, it was also Kairos time, and when he prayed for me, he said... 'its ur destiny to be a jewel..' i had kairos time, and the time was there jus right for me to receive my word...

Amen Lord

Sunday, April 10, 2005

this is us at Sentosa Posted by Hello

Day 34: Thinking like a servant

Veronica was telling me today that we are doing PDL a little wrongly.. and that we should talk about whether or not we agree to it and everything...

Somehow, i have a doubting feeling in me regarding church and a lot of other things.. Jesus is real... but Apostle once told me that we know when we know that we know.. and some things i jus cant seem to know... and no matter how much i seem to tell myself that i know.. i jus cannot seem to know... thinking like a servant??? i somehow still cannot comprehend to that... and whether or not i accept it its another issue...

I believe that we should serve, not to think less of ourselves but to think of ourselves less... however, i think the phrase seems to be so hard on... its like telling us that we must be servants.... but i dun think we should serve blindly..

we need to serve with a discerning heart...

I am usually more concerned about being served.. hmm... now i am understand that i need to serve and not jus wait upon to be served...

Jerome is always the serving one.. i must make an effort to play a part...

Amen...

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Day 33: How real servants act

To lead and serve, serve with joy, to be the leader with the heart and mind like the one who serves, to learn to lead an serve with help from God above, to be the star that shines bright in the sky..

I learnt tis song in GB, and at that time, i remember the theme being "Servant leader"

I learnt how to hand sign the song,

"Make me a servant, HUmble and Meek
Lord let me lift up those who are weak,
And may the prayer of my heart always be...

Make me a servant.. Make me a servant
Make me a servant today..."

I still roughly remember how it is being done... Been trained since we were WOs to be a servant leader, to lead by example and to have a serving heart..

Its always very hard to do.. especially during MM, setting up and clearing up, sometimes, i will want to be lazy, but in me, i guess, Miss Gan gave us a good teaching, to be responsible.. About my life review retreat... i realized tt God put me in GB for a good enough reason, for me to grow maturely and to learn many things that i wld not have learnt else where...learnt to do volunteer service for old folks home, to learn how to present myself in front of many people...

For this life review retreat, i think, in my life, one thing is that i must control my temper. and must really change my heart... to let God perform his surgery on me...

Also i realised that God gave me one talent.. my memory.. God gave me a good memory for me to use it for his glory.. for what yet i do not know.. God gave me a very good catch of tunes.. i only need to listen to it once, and i will be able to roughly catch the tune.. Hee... understand now why i am a praise singer... to use my talent for catching onto songs.. God is amazing.. as this weekend moves on... i know more and can see more of what i can and cannot do...

Today spent some time with dede and thia and brought them to house church, very happy that they went with me, and i pray that God plwase touch their hearts, and let them come more with me to church and cell grp..... and i realised that God's gift for me, is i am a very situation oriented person, i see things that need to be done i take the initiative..

Both of them saaw something in Jerome, tt i took for granted. He is a very patient and understanding person. Today i finally cleared the air.. and know tt God wants to see if i take this love for granted.. Cos why then should he give someone for me to love, if i take it for granted...

They told me that i should use much less harsher words on him, and i understand now where they are coming from...

God show me more of what u want me to learn in these two days Lord..

Amen

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Day 32: Using what God gave you

To have a life retreat over the weekend, for God has a plan for me in everything we do..

Today is thursday and as He planned, tomorrow will be the start of the weekend, a life review.. I really am looking forward to it but yet a little weary.. To look back at my life's events and understand the lesson that God has planned for me..


I started a little today, i looked back at how me and jerome came together, and i realised how he placed so much effort for me, through him i understood the real meaning of love.. And through him i saw how much sacrifices one can make for the sake of love. . I remembered how he jus wanted to be there for me and never expected anything more..


Honestly, he is not the type the guy that i ever wanted in my life, whether or not, God plans for us to be together forever, i know that God made a plan for me. I hated tz to the core, it still hurts to know, but without him, i would not have been with jerome now.. My hurt was for me to learn that love does not have to be with one that is seemingly ideal.. love does not have to sound sweet and look handsome, for if one truly has a good heart, it will shine...


I guess i have to face the fact that i did learn a lot from astral mag, this name i have been avoiding, and hoping that noone asks me anything about it.. like wat veron usse to say, afraid of letting the past catch up with me..


But God planned it, and perhaps for me to learn humility there, for me to understand the dynamics of leadership and the fundamentals of recognizing faults in an organization..


Accessing my gifts and abilities, i have once asked madelene, what she think is my ability.. i thinki remember she said, that i am a people person??


I think i should take this opportunity to really think through waht kind of person i am..


Getting feedback from people who knows me best..


Jerome, my mummy, my sister, mercy, ade, Cyn, Veron, madelene, .... who else??


What am i doing that i will lose track of time? Singing... when i am chattin, when i am focusing on my biz? Goodness, i really think that i do not really know myself very well... i will use this weekend to focus on my life review..


I did a presentation today and i realized that many people have said that i am someone who can come up with theories.. as in, to be able to snook myself out of situations? I think i am more of a presentation person, more extroverted, and with more preparation and effort, i think i am more of a presentation person?


We are to cultivate our gifts and abilities, keep our heart aflame, broaden our experiences, grow our character and personality...


Oh today someone commented that i am very organized??? Hmm.. something i never thought of
of myself??


Study feedback and practice..


What can i do to give God the best?


I really am quite lost on this topic... God tell me, and give me the confidence in the talents that you give me...


OH! wrote a song ... finally a Christian one... will complete it and write it here... or maybe add the song here...


Amen....

Day 31: Understanding your shape

Applying ur abilties, in the list was composing songs, teaching music.. i have always doubted if i really can write songs, if it is really a talent.. maybe its jus something in me.. I dunno if i really can sing or i jus like singing..

What ever you are good at, you should be doing it for the church..

This sentence made me realize tt yah.. maybe i do have a talent in singing.. but yet still unsure.. i dunno why i am unsure of myself..

Determining my shape:

Family experience - What did i learn growing up in my family? I learnt business dealings? Learnt that when there is always success, there is always failures. That we should be careful of pitfalls. I learnt not to take for granted.. my life.. has been good.. parents love me.. take care of me.. and i learnt that family is the one that will stand by you.. when troubles come..

Educational Experience - My fav subjects... i did well in maths i liked it.. so it was my fav.. i loved literature.. i like studying marketing, realising how the world works..

Vocational Experience - Jobs... i have been effective in telemarketing.. but i didnt really enjoy it... have been effective in sales.. but i didnt really enjoy it.. been effective in leadership .. public speaking?

Spiritual experience - Meaningful times with God, when i am in MM, singing to him, and worshipping him...

Ministry experience - served God in worship.. lead in worship when in GB, led in worship in mission trip to the children, led in worship in SHPS.. write muscial script.. think a little drama..,

Painful experience - Problems... Financial? Self esteem? Hurt... My love life.. thats a great hurt.. thorns ... my studies... my trials.. picking myself up from where i fell...

My faults - Stubborn, lazy, prideful
My failures - Weight control, finances control
My fears - Life.... death.....

My GOd given ability.... Singing??? Personality????

.........

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

The trials of life

Felt a sense of heartache jus now, God seems to be making me go thr a lesson that i guess i haven learnt yet... Making me go thr it again.. i have a feeling my health is deteroitating..

So i must make up for it by exercising.. so tired.. jus came back from a 20mins cycle.. Life is critical? Maybe i never knew tt.. i always had someone helping me..

its time i made life critical.

Amen

Day 30: Shaped for Serving God

In what way can i see myself serving others passionately??

What do i love to do.. God... He is amazing, I was feeling guilty that day at MM.. I was totally enjoying myself and really loved singing but i felt bad about it.. i was thinking to myself, that i should constantly tell myself that it is to be focused on God..

Reading this chapter: SHAPE made me understand that God gave me that interest.. He placed that in my heart to make me feel passionate about the whole event.. Uncle Mic told me to lead in the breathing exercise, i realised that i was excited about it.. I really wanted to learn more things to improve on the choir..

The first tell tale sign is enthusiasm.. and i am enthusiastic.. but other than that what other spiritual gifts? i cant see it myself.. i wan to pray to ask God to let me discover what it is..

I wrote a song today while i was in school.. amazed by how my inspiration came... the next time i write a song, i want to write it for Jesus..

I shall do that!

Amen!

Day 29: Accepting the assignment

The assignment is to serve GOd and to not be selfish. It is difficult not to be selfish as it seems innate that one would think of themselves first. However, it is something that we must do, but yet there must be a balancing point as in the past i did think of many things.. sometimes, its difficult to try to please everybody, i want to do my best to please God.

To serve is very difficult, sometimes, it takes certain sacrifices, and i guess my obstacle is myself... to be able to serve whole heartedly is still a distance away.. i really must put in more effort.

Jewel

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Day 28:It takes time

God takes time,

In His time, In HIs time, He makes all things beautiful, In HIs time....
Lord, Please show me everyday as you're teaching me your way,
And to do jus what you say in His time..

Today is Sunday, and APostle taught us on the 7 things that we must do so that Prosperity will come and an angel will come our way.. And one of the steps was that little by little God will increase.. And today while reading Purpose Driven Life, it was mentioned that GOd will change us little by little..

Little by little we're taking ground, every step a powerful weapon, strongholds come tumbling down and down and down and down..

Amazing how GOd works.. its when He has such a plan that i do not worry where life takes me, I will jus follow in HIs walk.. and walk His way..

I need to be more patient in my belief and passion for Jesus.. i need that and want that.. today my prayer was for me to really worship..

"I'll bring you more than a song, for song in itself, is not what u have required."

I do not want to just sing because i sing... i want to sing and the feeling and passion of GOd flows through..

Today apostle told us, ACTS 27... and they came to a place.... and He said, "Jewel read me that place..." "FAIR HAVENS"... what an appropraite timing of God.. He comes at the right time, to jolt me out of my thoughts, to remind me that He DOES have a plan for me, and for me to not worry so much, for HE knows my difficulties.. so amazed... I was jus worrying about tithing..

I'm so amazed.... and i give you praise, that you would save us at such a cost...
I'm so amazed.... and i give you praise...

Lord, teach me to lean on you... for you are all i need...

Amen

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Day 27: Defeating Tempation

God is faithful, Today i was at music class.. and i thank God for his presence was with him.. I still remember that prayer my coach prayed.. "And Lord may your presence be here with us today.." and i Amened to that.. The goosebumps that came over me was so strong that i knew.. God was with us in that room.. Listening to us sing that song.. Till now when i am typing it, i can feel that strength and conviction He left in me today..

"Take me pass the outer courts...
Into the Holy Place..
Pass the Brazen Alter
Lord, I want to see your face...

Pass me by the crowds of people,
Where priests sing their praises

I hunger and thirst for your righteousness
And I''ve only found one place..

Take me in TO the Holy of Holies
Take me in by the Blood of the Lamb
Take me into the Holy oh Holies,
Take the coal, cleanse my lips..
Here I am..."

Beautiful experience with this song, sung this song many times before.. but yet for the first time today, i imagined myself, travelling through the tabernacle.. and wanting to meet God..

Went into the car and immediately Jerome said, "For God is faithful and he will keep the tempation from becoming too strong that you cant stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you the way out so that u will not give in to it"

I corinthians 10:13

Haha i got a shock.. today's chapter was try memorizing a verse a week.. and this is our first verse that we are memorizing together.. this week.. Veron is in malaysia, must tell her when she comes back.... and we shall have scriptures as our bullets...

4 ways of defeating temptation:

1) Refocus your attention elsewhere
2) Share with a Godly friend
3) Realize your vulnerability
4) Resist the Devil

To wear the helmet of salvation and the sword of the word...

Amen

day 26: transformed by temptation

Feeling a tired today.. But today's lesson is very apt. to know the workings of tempation..

Realised that i jus gave in to the temptation of anger earlier on, well S.A. Tan really knows what i am weak at.. hmm.. now i know how he prepares temptation, its something tt is inside of us.. then he will put thoughts in my mind..

I want to pay attention to when and to what i will tempted by.. this way i will be sure to avoid it...

I do not wan to worry about my exams and projects, for i want to learn real peace... to experience real peace amidst of chaos and confusion..

Stress should not anything anymore...

Amen

Friday, April 01, 2005

Day 25: transformed by trouble

Wah a timing of God.. He is truly the one who knows us the best.. Was jus feeling troubled about the car.. and my studies.. So much to do and its seems like there is so little time.. And then the words.. Transformed by trouble, immediately i told JErome, this is the chapter that God wants to tell you..

" It is the fire of suffering that brings forth the gold of godliness."

Life is a series of problems. And the analogy touched me, that we are like jewels, unpolished gems that God wants to uncover. The gem inside us is undiscovered and we need time and patience to be build up.. We need the adversity hammer and chiesel to make us shine and be a Jewel to everyone..

Refiners Fire.. My hearts One desire.. Is to be Holy, Set apart for you Lord..
I choose to be Holy, set apart for you my master, Ready to do your will..

This song seems to appropriate now, Purify my heart, Let me be as Gold, and precious silver. Purify my heart, Let me as Gold, Pure Gold..

What problem in life... My finance i guess.. it has made me grow so much... money to me never seemed like much problem.. after experiencing the difficulties of life, i understood the importance of every little cent..

God will be there with me through all my problems..

Amen