Taking the harder path

I realised that life has been easy, these past 8 months. Resting, eating, sleeping, enjoying life. Though paradoxically, i am not enjoying it much. I aspire more than these. But I am only willing to put it lesser than it is. Thus, why then in the world will I be able to get the reaped harvest.

All along in life, I have allowed myself to fall into the trap of mediocrity, in fact I tell myself that i am above average. Actually I am mediocre, and perhaps lesser than mediocre. I expect less of myself. How then can i expect others to expect more of me. I think that my personality or character will shine more than my appearance. Like what Pastor Kong said, it is those that think they will normally be more eye catching like mary and martha, martha feels that she has done a lot for church, she is the outspoken one, with initiative and zest to scurry around and be busy. But she was in fact unlike mary, who sat at Jesus' feet and asked for more of him. I am Martha. Busy scurrying around trying to change church, change lives, when I myself am not hungry for the word of God, why then should anyone else that I am trying to influence be.

Martha, is too busy, too full of herself and her own capabilities. I need to step aside, and just be in the presence of the Lord. For once, just dwell and not think that I have contributed so much to church.

I have been excaping all this while. Escaping from the truth and the reality. I have been lazy and unconsistent. I need to change. Its time I learnt how to be a woman. There will not be any Fairy Godmother, who will appear and change me immediately into a Princess. Its not going to be as easy as it seems in the movies. People who made it in life, are all self taught, and self learnt. They aspire and dream, then they go about finding the way to do it. Make full use of their resources to do all that they are able to do.

I have decided that I will face up to my reality and work towards my dream, be disciplined and not be lazy. Be the one that God wlll be proud of.

I will make myself out to be the woman i want to become.

Lord, help me, to walk the path that I should walk, graciously and I will be able to fly higher than an eagle.. I will be able to soar for the Lord.

Amen

Jewel

Stressed

Feeling very stressed now.. Bills piling up.. and not sure if I am getting the job at IPB.. THink I really need a breakthrough. I will be able to make it through. Will pull through my refinancing deals, as well as get my IPB position, I am still young and will be able to make it through. Lord, please help me.

Jewel

Nancy Drew

Going to watch Nancy Drew later! So excited! haha! Reliving my childhood memories!



Feeling hungry now..

Gotta eat..

Jewel

Ratatouille

Just saw the trailer for the movie, suddenly filled with the urge of going to Paris. Must be a beautiful country... Longing for the day I can go there with Jerome, just being there enjoying what God has done in our lives.









Jewel

Habits of Life

I think its amazing how just by changing slightly your habits, by not giving in to my laziness, I can change a day just like that. I finished keying in the leads, and I didnt give in to my sleepiness! Its all about discipline! : )

Jia you!!!

JEwel

Decisions

"Its not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are." Roy Disney.

I read this same phrase or rather am seeking to understand this same idea while reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective people. What are the inner core values? MY personal mission statement in life. I can seek to make tonnes of money. And neglect whats most important, or seek to add value to what I can achieve and yet be comfortable. Or more than comfortable. Property and Banking. To make a choice seems so difficult but according to Roy Disney, its as easy as ABC. Thats when you know what your values are.

What are my values? When the author asked me to picture my Funeral, picture what my family, friends and colleagues would say about me, I pictured them remembering all the good times we spent together, having coffee, having fun, making sushi, cracking lame jokes, travelling together. I didnt picture them to remember me as someone chasing money. Or rather, I valued time more than money. I will strive hard of course, but looking at how Jerome works in Property, would I really want that? Or would I want my weekends to be peaceful..

There are people who are successful and owning properties while working.

Its not how much you earn, its how much you save and invest.

Its a long journey upwards, but I guess life will be like that.

Signed,
Jewel Tan

Leadership

Its true what Jerome said yesterday of me; I am lost, depressed. And most importantly tired out, thinking I do too much, thinking that I have sacrificed much. Looking back on the days that I have seeked to prove my worth in the bank. But the days are in the past and I have to learn what I need to learn from those lessons. Whether I am ready to accept the huge responsibility that God might have for me. The plans that God has in store for me. To be self employed or rather to go out on my own at a time like this to explore seems fearful. But God will always be there to hold my hand should I fall. The qualities of a leader I read from simpletruths.com gave me new light. The story of Kindness, and yet not expecting anything in return, tat is what I really call an act of kindness. So I see it that sacrifice without expecting anything, without recognition, or complaints is the truest form of rock solid leadership. I need to learn how to do advanced planning and to influence those that I need to influence.

2 weeks from now, I need to take cell. Lord, I pray that you will give me the strength and the ideas and the words you wish for me to share about. Lord, may you take over and let the influence that you wish to have be imparted.

I need strength and most importantly discipline as I step out. I cannot turn back and look and think that the world will stop for me. Only take what I can take. The discipline I had when I first joined Citi. The drive and determination. I will need to succeed to give my parents what they should deserve and before any illnesses or old age comes upon them, I would like them to enjoy life. Most importantly I wish to inspire Jerome and be the woman behind his success. That his family will be ready to accept Christ and most importantly for them to move to another level in life. I must do it. There is no one that will help me but myself. I will trust in the Lord and soar on Eagles wings. Let my life be a testimonial to others and may I be a great leader unto you Lord. I pray that you will give me the Long-term vision, and the strive for excellence in all that I do. That I will Plan, I will be disciplined. And my enthusiasm never be killed... It’s never by me alone... Lord let me take on this responsibility and t sacrifice without complaints, to have the humility in myself, to influence and change lives, and only those that I am able to change Lord. and the Perseverance to go on...

I need to be prepared, to let my siblings take on a new level in life, for my parents to be saved. To change myself for once and for all... to not accept mediocrity as a norm. But to take on my charge in this life. As William Penn said, I will only pass through this life once. I need to make the most out of it, for I will only have one chance. Once chance to be 25. Only once to pass through 5th June 2007.. once its gone, it’s gone forever.

I need to take charge of my life on my own, with God's help. I cannot wait and hide no more. Time waits for no man.

Isaac once said that I will be able to make the devil fear me for what I can do.. Jerome said many a times, that if I put my heart and soul into anything, I will be able to do it. Mr. Ong once said that he is sure I am capable to be successful, all my colleagues thinks I can make it. Dede always thinks I can do it if I set my heart to it. Nicole and Sean think so too. Even Aunty Gwen once said that Jewel, you will the light that shines bright for many to come to Christ. Even Cyn's mum thinks that of me.

Inside of me, I am the only one who thinks that I cannot. I am the only one who thinks tat I cant. I am the only one with the fear.

Lord let me be courageous in you and dare to dream and aspire to fly.

Let my life be glorified unto you.

Amen.

Jewel Tan