Taking the harder path

I realised that life has been easy, these past 8 months. Resting, eating, sleeping, enjoying life. Though paradoxically, i am not enjoying it much. I aspire more than these. But I am only willing to put it lesser than it is. Thus, why then in the world will I be able to get the reaped harvest.

All along in life, I have allowed myself to fall into the trap of mediocrity, in fact I tell myself that i am above average. Actually I am mediocre, and perhaps lesser than mediocre. I expect less of myself. How then can i expect others to expect more of me. I think that my personality or character will shine more than my appearance. Like what Pastor Kong said, it is those that think they will normally be more eye catching like mary and martha, martha feels that she has done a lot for church, she is the outspoken one, with initiative and zest to scurry around and be busy. But she was in fact unlike mary, who sat at Jesus' feet and asked for more of him. I am Martha. Busy scurrying around trying to change church, change lives, when I myself am not hungry for the word of God, why then should anyone else that I am trying to influence be.

Martha, is too busy, too full of herself and her own capabilities. I need to step aside, and just be in the presence of the Lord. For once, just dwell and not think that I have contributed so much to church.

I have been excaping all this while. Escaping from the truth and the reality. I have been lazy and unconsistent. I need to change. Its time I learnt how to be a woman. There will not be any Fairy Godmother, who will appear and change me immediately into a Princess. Its not going to be as easy as it seems in the movies. People who made it in life, are all self taught, and self learnt. They aspire and dream, then they go about finding the way to do it. Make full use of their resources to do all that they are able to do.

I have decided that I will face up to my reality and work towards my dream, be disciplined and not be lazy. Be the one that God wlll be proud of.

I will make myself out to be the woman i want to become.

Lord, help me, to walk the path that I should walk, graciously and I will be able to fly higher than an eagle.. I will be able to soar for the Lord.

Amen

Jewel