Passion New Photos & Cries

Played with the idea of having a Passion Notice Board, writing down all our testimonials for that day and setting goals and targets to work towards it! Need to get down to doing it today, have to prepare for cell later too though!



Yesterday night had another revelation; I felt my heart reaching out to God and I wish there could be someone guiding me and showing me where I should go from here?

After Leaders' Meeting, while we were on our way home, Eric shared with me simply, that 2 obvious gifts I had that I can use to serve God would be through music, my singing. He said, Jewel, no matter how many hard knocks you got, you still chose to stay in the worship team, do not deny it any longer, you should use this to serve God.

He placed a question to me, do I cry when I see alcoholics get saved and healed from their addiction or do i get inspired when i see prophets giving prophecies? Ashley's journal and the things i talk about are the evidence of my calling. I cry when i hear about lives being changed, i cry when there are amazing songs written for God, i cry when souls come to Heaven. I have a heart for outreach, for giving ideas on reaching out. I have a heart to sing for God.

I hardly thought of it this way, I kept thinking that perhaps I am not meant to sing for God, my voice is not good enough, I do not know how to play an instrument, why do i seem not to have the passion for singing, to learn more and etc. On the contrary, its due to the lack of confidence that aunty Gwen was talking about too. The that lack of confidence, will pull my enthusiasm down and that is what that is stopping me from wanting to improve myself any further.

What makes me cry? What makes me sing?

Eric just answered it for me, someone not entirely close to me knew. God works in miraculous ways.

Jewel

Passion sparked by The Passion Movement

I assume being passionate about Christ is really something I need to be very careful about too. That I must be dedicate everything to God and not let my enthusiasm take precedent over the what God's will for me is in this life.

To be able to seek God and then fully let Him take control, takes time and effort on the man's part.

I pray for wisdom and discernment.

Amen.

Love,
Jewel

Is that really you Lord?

Elysia shared with Jerome and I today about Lauren Cunningham (if that is how i spell his name correctly) that he once grew his ministry so big, that he saw a vision of God giving his a big ship to call his ministry own. To use that ship to send out so many youths and supplies that it will be a great milestone to his ministry. He had placed a deposit of US$72,000 and had press releases that they will be getting the ship, many investors have donated their money into the ministry for a greater call.

God showed him a verse that said for what will be shaken, will be shaken and all that is left behind would be the one that will stand forever. So he hesitated and wanted to seek God, to pray until God answers and confirms.

But then God showed him a vision of the boat getting ready to set sail and there was a man sitting beside the boat crying. That man was none other than Jesus Himself. He was crying for the ship that was supposed to be for Him, to do His works, the focus was on the ship, the ministry and not on Jesus Himself. If they had chosen the ship, they would have forsaken Jesus.

He then had to let the ship dream die. For only when he let that dream die, the man part dies, whether it was for a greater cause or not, if its not for God and God is not in it. Then what does it serve. In order for it to mean something, it had to die. And God had to resurrect it, for then it is God who did it. It is for His glory and no one else. Just like why did God let Lazarus die and then resurrect him? It was then will they treasure, and see that is for God.

He had to learn to be humble, he could have not let it go for pride issues since he had the money coming in. But he did not. He called one of his major donors and tried explaining. But the donor said, he considered his investment well spent, as this helped the ministry to be humbled. And since the decision was made, he believed that in further days to come, the ministry will grow even bigger and stronger.

I think it was amazing that God will let Jerome ask Elysia this question. And it is even more amazing that Elysia can answer how do we hear from God and know that it is really Him?

To be able to minister to people, we need to be equipped with stories to tell, with testimonies to share, with bible verses to refer to, with resources to give out.

And that is what I am aiming to become for God!

Yes LORD!

Amen

Jewel

Passion Kuala Lumpur 2008.

During the conference, I looked around at the thousands of people and wondered to myself, I am just one person here in this huge hall looking for an answer, looking for God to hear me, and reveal Himself to me, the rest of the thousands must be doing the same thing too, and they might have even greater passion, greater eagerness than me. How do I know, that God you hear me?

Then at the end of the conference, they had to do some extra songs, and Chris Tomlin sang Indescribable,

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

And I literally broke down, because in the midst of so many of His sons and daughters, He showed me that He hears me. Cos He knows even each of the stars by name.

Isaiah 40:26

Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.

Eric sent me this verse in the morning cos i shared with them what happened, and I thought it will be great to be an encouraging verse to Christians and pre-Christians alike!

Amazing Testimonies at the conference, I really felt so much for making God's name known throughout the world. In the past, I use to think, i must be someone great so that many may come to know Jesus through me, but i realised in the conference. Louie said this, God may call people differently, some to be big, some to be small, some to be famous and some to not to be.

I want my life to make your name famous. Saying yes to jesus, and going wherever he is going. And to whatever questions. Isaiah 26.8

But we are all making disciples for God. The most amazing verse i learnt

Isaiah 26:8,

Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, ^[a]
we wait for you;
your name and renown
are the desire of our hearts.

that all I need to do is to say "Yes, Lord" and let God do the rest.

Louis said that all we need to know is that we need to infiltrate culture, to be the best that you can be, to let God supernaturally help us and not only by our talents and gifts.

He spoke about Grace; 2 corinthians 5:13-21:

13If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. 14For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.

16So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21God made him who had no sin to be sin^[a] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

I finally understood, what Grace was about, felt like for the first time, I knew God.

Many people think that we are sinners, and God is perfect, it is such a huge difference, so how do you get across the gap back to God.

A lot of people will say that we need to make right what we made wrong. Grace is spanning the gap to me. God will do what we cannot do. God came down and make it to you. Jesus faced what we faced, and he lived among the temptations and the desires, but he was faithful to God in every way. At the cross, God did a transaction that blew our mind, he put all our wrong onto His son that was perfect. Jesus gave his life as a payment, He paid the price for me. We get a brand new person in Christ when we have a relationship with Him.

The cross should make you go crazy and not just a calm resounding: "Amen brother". Sometimes you have got to be in the right time. In the world but not of the world. We can talk to anyone, we can be anybody. Put me anywhere, i got gifts talents, put me where people are.

Many songs touched my heart in Passion. Indescribable, "Sing, Sing, Sing", "God of this City"!

Its amazing, I am believing God for greater things!

Amen.

Jewel in this City.

The thoughts of things

Just ended my conversation with Mr Ong and Sean & Nicole. I think that I have the talent. But i am not a talent plus. Looked around and thought that I have been only occasionally flapping my wings. And I have not placed my due diligence in working hard to train my wings to fly, to survive a longer period. I have assumed that my talents in singing, in character, in marketing, in human relations, in my physical self, in my spirituality is already much better than most people, so i, like the hare; took a rest. And got overtaken.

But well the good thing about this race, is that it has not ended yet. Becos of whatever gifts God has given me, I can still use it now, wake up my wings, my desires, my hard work and start flapping my wings. And once I get the hang of things, i can soar like an eagle, gliding in the air.

Its getting scarier by the minute, when finances overwhelm you. It brings me to the point of worrying, that every spare moment after my laughter dies down, i will be worried. I will put my trust in the Lord. Father, help me not to be worried.

Please bless Jerome, for he really has the heart of gold. He helps without expectations, never once seen him really count whatever he has given out.. Friends, Family, Me, Church..

That Lord, you will help him to seek his passion.

Amen.

Love,
Jewel

Christianity.. and me

Christianity, what does it mean? Does it mean a generation of english speaking, charity giving, dressing well, jumping, worshiping, and activity after activity. Lord, I need to know what have you placed in me. What have I been doing?

The resistance of Change

Dear Lord,

How difficult is it for change Lord? How easy it is to dwell in the negatives of life? How easy for the devil to creep in with the perceptions and the notions? How easy is it to fall into bad habits?

I pray this day that Lord, I will remain Happy, not judgmental, and Lord no matter what the devil throws at me, I will still shine for you.

That the revelation of the shining light amongst the darkness, will the brightest and the most obvious target. Lord, let us as brothers and sisters in Christ stand together against the enemies. And not let the devil have any chance against us.

Amen.

The Eerie feeling of fear

Fear and trials and testings always come after I share something, a testimony, some thoughts of anything positive. Just after always, when i share about not worrying and trusting God for the supplies and everything, it will come and haunt me.

God teach me how to stand firm in spite of everything else. The emotions and the fear of money is so strong. I wish I had the capacity to earn my own money and not have to depend on Jerome.

It sucks his energy and mine.

It makes me feel indebted and whatever.

Lord, help me to be able to at least able to sustain myself.

Amen.

Jewel

The fear of reality

When the reality steps in, and you realise that there is no one whom you can trust except the Lord, that is the toughest thing one can ever expect..

Jewel

Spending time with God

After a long day's work, I wanted to switch the television on and just chill. But Isaac's sharing in cell sparked a thought in me, I could spend some time with God. I struggled honestly, to want to just not do anything..

So I guess here I am, just want to pray and ask God for some peace that I have done what I can for the business, and now I will leave the rest to God. And while tomorrow, I concentrate on doing God's work and praising Him, I will get peace.

Lord, may i pray for ong now that she may get a touch from you and that she will be able to walk in the direction that you want her to go. I pray for your hand in all that she does, and all that I do, that everything we do may bring glory to you, and excellence to your name.

Lord, also bless Jerome with wisdom and discernment to know when to work and when to play, may he attain his dream just so that Lord, you may fulfill your purpose in him.

Lord, please bless esther's project that she will get creativity in her, Lord you are the one who created all that is in the earth, may she be able to see what you saw in creation.

I pray for Agnes Lord, that she will find her direction in life too, that she will find that one thing she is passionate about, that I can grow to love and care for her as much as you do.

Realization in my brother, for him also Lord to be happy, for him to know that despite everything, he is still very much loved by us.

Lord, for all that is in my mind, for all my burdens I lift it to you, thank you so much for being my shelter and providing for me. Lord, grant me the contentment to live the life that you want me to live.

In Jesus name I pray.

Amen.

The Difficulties of business

Really understand the frustrations of business, and understand why only 10% of the people population make it in life. I am tempted to give up, but the spirit in me is pushing for me to go the extra mile! I need to be able to stay focus and be creative in all that I do. To learn the ropes of business and be a success.

Lord, may you assist me in all that I do, may you guide me on all the decisions that I have to make. Let me be encouraged by you Lord and not by the circumstances around.

Amen.

Love,
Jewel

Taking Baby Steps @ a time

I woke up this morning and looked around me, wondering why I seem to always be stuck in some similar situations. And I realised what Sean said yesterday. He said, that its the same as the story of the stone in the middle of the road. There was a man who traveled the same path to the market every month. And every month, he would go through the same road and trip over the same stone. And every single time, he would exclaim in pain of how he should have seen it coming.

Same goes for me, if i always have the same stumbling block in my life, it must be because I have not sat up and paid enough attention to avoid that stumbling block.

So i have decided to take baby steps at a time to walk towards the life that God wants for me.

Amen!

Vision of the Angel with the Golden Wings

Eric shared with me on the vision, that previously i was not serious in my prayers, i do not sincerely believe that God will provide for me, will protect me.

God will protect me, He is showing me that He will care and protect for me.

And finally I will step out in faith and go out and face the world.

He said, that in the Bible, God said that He will cover me in the shadows of His wings.

Amen

The Valley of the Shadow of Death

Even though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, your perfect love is casting out fear!


In all my days that I have been on this earth, never have I felt such unimportance in money and situations. Not that I felt without money I can accomplish lots of things, but on the contrary I felt that the lack of money, and the perception of money is the root of all problems and evil.

For the lack of money, my uncle succumbed to the threats of guilt. Now I understand the importance of church, the importance of spiritual parents, for when you need to talk to someone, God will lead that person to advise wisely.

My uncle said he prayed, prayed to his gods for an answer, and they told him that all will be fine. So he went bravely, and unafraid of what it is to come on the surface, but deep inside the fear surmounts. How does one face the consequences of a misdeed that he did not do? How does the fear of punishment leads one to accept a lightened punishment in the light of his innocence?

For I faced situations like these before, lesser in severity but similar in nature. And I could seek counsel, from Godly people who prayed for me for peace but yet gave me earthly and wise advise. Contradictory that the other religions’ wise people they call are lesser educated. But that is my assumption. Now I do see where God is leading us. Now I do see why there is an importance in all the teachings of Christianity, that we not only walk by faith but by the leadership of the world as well. For in the Bible it says, that we have to obey and follow the laws of the righteous.

I sat there in the other side of the world, in the other part of the world that I have never been before nor dreamt of threading within. I understood the fear, I felt the pain, and I wanted to give everything that I had to change the situation. It suddenly dawned on me that everything didn’t matter, what matters most is my uncle’s decision. I looked at him, head bowed in the court, hair shaved, in the orange overall labeled a criminal, labeled guilty as charged. Eyes are on him, people around whispering all sorts of possibilities and crimes that he might have committed. My aunt sat there, struggling with all her might to keep her tears from falling, struggling very hard to be silent, as if the whole court might awake from its slumber should a pin fall, as they await the honorable Judge. I looked at the judge, I prayed and hoped that God may show them visions of justice. True visions of justice.

I stepped into the room of her honor.. I looked around, and saw photos of her and her little girl, she looked just like any one of us, a possibility that one day some one close to her might face the exact same charges, the exact same innocence to be proven. I wished so much to have a private talk with her. To tell her how much I know that my uncle is innocent. But who am I? What am I to do, that I can do that?

A burning sensation came over me to be someone great. Someone with influence and authority, that I may help these people, helpless and innocent. I prayed and asked God for favor and guidance that I may be someone different, that I may be able to help.

Compassion requires commitment. Its true. I experienced it for myself. It needs commitment, it requires intercessory desires. To feel for this people.

I waited outside the Queenstown Remand Prison and waited with my aunt for my uncle to be released. The wait seemed never ending, and yet the fear of what he would feel when he comes out, what do we say, do we pretend, or do we re-assure him?

Minutes seemed like hours ticked by. And still no sight of him. I muttered a prayer underneath my breath and hoped that my aunty will be strong.

When everything in your life seems to be perfect, we never once thought about moments like these. We never expect that someone so young, so vulnerable will do something so evil and so cruel to someone close to you.

People say jealousy and anger leads one to do crazy things. Finally I see it for myself.

Till now, I can only hope and pray for a miracle. For God’s mercy and grace to come over my uncle now. I pray that his life will be changed. That he will accept Christ and Christ alone can help.

Its an urgent call to help and save the world. But for every single time, we take off to help just one person, it makes a world of a difference to that one person.

May God empower me to do His will. May I not use my man’s wisdom but the wisdom bestowed upon by Him.

My Road to Discovery

I woke up this chilly morning undecided and unhappy, thought to myself what is life about? Perhaps its due to the monthly moodswing that I have, or its truly bcos I am lost? I felt cold, and just wanted to continue sleeping. I woke up, ate something, and went back to sleep again. In the midst of all the dreaming, I decided that well i could spare some time. But in Joyce Meyer's "I Dare You to embrace life with PASSION", she said, time is our most valuable commodity. So while i am not going to give up, what I feel God has placed in my heart to do, I will start on a Road to Discovery. I will first start with being more observant, being more "deep in God's presence" to see what He wants to tell me about my life. Being more aware of the feelings and the honest emotions that I truly have in my life.

This road to discovery will lead me to God's calling in my life. what may it be? I am excited to find out. My life has only just begun.

Amen.

Love,
Jewel

-on the road to discovery-

P.S I love you

When a great story hits you, the inspiration of the movie brings you much hope and zest for life. I had a date with Jerome today! Went to watch a movie, its been a long time since we last watched a movie together, just the 2 of us. We watched a romantic comedy: "P.S I Love You." It was a really beautiful movie, made me laugh and cry at the same time. Inspired me and Jerome too, to not keep waiting for life to start, but instead to know that life has already started, we just have to enjoy it. That faith in life, and in carrying on with life when things crop up, when people go away..

A really beautiful movie that really perked me up! Made me sit up and think and want to do the best in my life. Even when I came back home, to read my book; it wrote do everything with excellence and you will be one of the few with that passion.

Its been a long time, since I last written and when I last sat down by the cafe to drink a cup of tea and to read a book; reflecting on life and just spending time with myself. I miss those times. And now I think I am prepared to do that.

This movie also led me to think, that yes, the internet has taken us to another level of emails and blogs. But writing in letters are still the best and romantic ways of communication isn't it?

So now, in a world within, I would like to do that, to bring back the romantic feel of lovely and pretty things. To try to inculcate my passion in life, where snowglobes have the magical feel to it.

May God inspire me further.

Amen.

P.S Watching movies once in a while is really a great boost to morales.. Next up, i want to watch "Made of Honor"

love,
jewel

The pain in love

Perhaps till the time I get my own child, this is the closest I will get to feeling the pain of love. We adopted a dog recently into my otherwise peaceful family, but my dad, sis and jerome are dog lovers and though i could be selfish enough to demand not having the dog, I cannot seem to put my feet down to doing it.

So yes, we adopted the dog 2 months ago, exactly. Now its 7-8 months old, and I have grown to love the dog! Unbelievable as it is. However, its gotten the habit of biting our shoes, tearing up newspapers, and plastic bags and etc.

So tonight was one of those nights that I had to stay up extremely late to do some work, and I caught him messing up the entire house, with shoes being wet with his saliva too.. I really had to stand there and think, we tried all methods, from hitting him, to scolding him, to being nice about it, and etc but nothing seems to be working, i stood there staring at Mocha, and he sat there with his droopy eyes, keeping all quiet and you really cannot stand being angry with him for long. However, I knew that something had to be done.

So I had a thought, to open the front door and point at it, to tell him to leave. Mocha sat there staring at me, refusing to budge.

After some time, I dragged him by the collar and pulled him to the door, he tried his best to stop and i pushed him out of the house, and closed the gate.

He sat there with his tearful eyes staring at me, I had to harden my heart to point and ask the dog to leave, in my heart I was really afraid he might run away and not come back but i knew i had to keep up the act. Until minutes later, when i opened the door, he placed one paw fearfully in and threaded in softly. That really broke my heart, thats where i had the realisation that there is pain in love. When you want to teach someone you love, you need to be cruel to be kind.

I feel for my parents now, how they must have felt when they reprimanded us in the past. How they must have went back and cried, feeling the pain more than I did.

This really taught me to be more patient and tolerant towards anything.

God may you allow me to bring my family to salvation and for me to provide.

Amen

Jewel

Amazing Love...

I thought we had a great sharing at cell today. Even at the leaders meeting yesterday, i felt that I learned a lot. Like the "Squeeze a testimonial" from Pastor Sally. It amazes me how much one can take God for granted for the good things that he has given us. When asked to squeeze out a testimonial, everyone had a testimonial and it all blessed my heart. It was great! : ) And we celebrated Jennifer's birthday with a very special pumpkin yam cake! Wah aha!




Darling said to try to thank God every single night for something he did for us today. So I am thinking what can I thank God for today..

I thank God for good friends around me that truly care for me.

I thank God for my family!

I thank God I still have a roof over my head!

I thank God for my darling, what would I do without him?

I thank God that he changed my bedsheet for me cos it was causing an irritation to me for my nose, and re-arranged the donkeys nicely for me so that once i came out of the bath, I had a nice and comfortable bed to sleep in!





I thank God for Pastor Rachel who blessed my sister, jerome and me with chocolate muffins!

I thank God that darling bought me a new camera!!!

And many more..

God is good.. I want to pray hard Lord.

Guide me in your direction.

Amen!

The Cross Roads

I feel as if I have reached a certain crossroad in my life. A split between the envious earning of money, and the chasing of my dreams and passion. I get motivated by the fact that people are earning money, but on the other end it might all not be wat i like. I enjoy being with people, having lunch with my friends, without agendas, and just be who I am. God, this time I really need a sign from you. I really need to know which route am I to take that has your blessings. Close the doors that you do not want me to take.

God, please assist me to know what your place for me in this world is to be. Thank you.

Jewel

Lost dreams and soul

Been very lost recently. Cant seem to get anything going nor wanna sleep early. Yet in the wee hours of the morning, thats the time when you feel the worse. Just like what Pastor Frankie said; we are bounded by our past fears and failures that we cannot move on. We need to change and know that dreams are placed in us for a reason. Confidence in something that i must built in me. Procrastination is something i must get rid. Why am I not looking forward to life, and the future. Everything of me now seems to be stuck only now, this very moment and nothing further than that!

I need my inspiration and my soul back in order for me to chase my dreams. Do not be demoralized. For it will lead to a destruction of your dreams.


May God guide me and be with me on this tough journey that never seems to end. Or rather, its always the darkest before dawn.

Jewel