The Valley of the Shadow of Death

Even though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, your perfect love is casting out fear!


In all my days that I have been on this earth, never have I felt such unimportance in money and situations. Not that I felt without money I can accomplish lots of things, but on the contrary I felt that the lack of money, and the perception of money is the root of all problems and evil.

For the lack of money, my uncle succumbed to the threats of guilt. Now I understand the importance of church, the importance of spiritual parents, for when you need to talk to someone, God will lead that person to advise wisely.

My uncle said he prayed, prayed to his gods for an answer, and they told him that all will be fine. So he went bravely, and unafraid of what it is to come on the surface, but deep inside the fear surmounts. How does one face the consequences of a misdeed that he did not do? How does the fear of punishment leads one to accept a lightened punishment in the light of his innocence?

For I faced situations like these before, lesser in severity but similar in nature. And I could seek counsel, from Godly people who prayed for me for peace but yet gave me earthly and wise advise. Contradictory that the other religions’ wise people they call are lesser educated. But that is my assumption. Now I do see where God is leading us. Now I do see why there is an importance in all the teachings of Christianity, that we not only walk by faith but by the leadership of the world as well. For in the Bible it says, that we have to obey and follow the laws of the righteous.

I sat there in the other side of the world, in the other part of the world that I have never been before nor dreamt of threading within. I understood the fear, I felt the pain, and I wanted to give everything that I had to change the situation. It suddenly dawned on me that everything didn’t matter, what matters most is my uncle’s decision. I looked at him, head bowed in the court, hair shaved, in the orange overall labeled a criminal, labeled guilty as charged. Eyes are on him, people around whispering all sorts of possibilities and crimes that he might have committed. My aunt sat there, struggling with all her might to keep her tears from falling, struggling very hard to be silent, as if the whole court might awake from its slumber should a pin fall, as they await the honorable Judge. I looked at the judge, I prayed and hoped that God may show them visions of justice. True visions of justice.

I stepped into the room of her honor.. I looked around, and saw photos of her and her little girl, she looked just like any one of us, a possibility that one day some one close to her might face the exact same charges, the exact same innocence to be proven. I wished so much to have a private talk with her. To tell her how much I know that my uncle is innocent. But who am I? What am I to do, that I can do that?

A burning sensation came over me to be someone great. Someone with influence and authority, that I may help these people, helpless and innocent. I prayed and asked God for favor and guidance that I may be someone different, that I may be able to help.

Compassion requires commitment. Its true. I experienced it for myself. It needs commitment, it requires intercessory desires. To feel for this people.

I waited outside the Queenstown Remand Prison and waited with my aunt for my uncle to be released. The wait seemed never ending, and yet the fear of what he would feel when he comes out, what do we say, do we pretend, or do we re-assure him?

Minutes seemed like hours ticked by. And still no sight of him. I muttered a prayer underneath my breath and hoped that my aunty will be strong.

When everything in your life seems to be perfect, we never once thought about moments like these. We never expect that someone so young, so vulnerable will do something so evil and so cruel to someone close to you.

People say jealousy and anger leads one to do crazy things. Finally I see it for myself.

Till now, I can only hope and pray for a miracle. For God’s mercy and grace to come over my uncle now. I pray that his life will be changed. That he will accept Christ and Christ alone can help.

Its an urgent call to help and save the world. But for every single time, we take off to help just one person, it makes a world of a difference to that one person.

May God empower me to do His will. May I not use my man’s wisdom but the wisdom bestowed upon by Him.

Discipline in life

The book i was reading said this: Discipline is not given overnight. It needs or requires small steps at first, baby steps to take to be able to overcome our habits. I need to break my habits, i need to move on in my life. May every step be a learning process for me.

Jewel

-on the road to discovery-

My Road to Discovery

I woke up this chilly morning undecided and unhappy, thought to myself what is life about? Perhaps its due to the monthly moodswing that I have, or its truly bcos I am lost? I felt cold, and just wanted to continue sleeping. I woke up, ate something, and went back to sleep again. In the midst of all the dreaming, I decided that well i could spare some time. But in Joyce Meyer's "I Dare You to embrace life with PASSION", she said, time is our most valuable commodity. So while i am not going to give up, what I feel God has placed in my heart to do, I will start on a Road to Discovery. I will first start with being more observant, being more "deep in God's presence" to see what He wants to tell me about my life. Being more aware of the feelings and the honest emotions that I truly have in my life.

This road to discovery will lead me to God's calling in my life. what may it be? I am excited to find out. My life has only just begun.

Amen.

Love,
Jewel

-on the road to discovery-

P.S I love you

When a great story hits you, the inspiration of the movie brings you much hope and zest for life. I had a date with Jerome today! Went to watch a movie, its been a long time since we last watched a movie together, just the 2 of us. We watched a romantic comedy: "P.S I Love You." It was a really beautiful movie, made me laugh and cry at the same time. Inspired me and Jerome too, to not keep waiting for life to start, but instead to know that life has already started, we just have to enjoy it. That faith in life, and in carrying on with life when things crop up, when people go away..

A really beautiful movie that really perked me up! Made me sit up and think and want to do the best in my life. Even when I came back home, to read my book; it wrote do everything with excellence and you will be one of the few with that passion.

Its been a long time, since I last written and when I last sat down by the cafe to drink a cup of tea and to read a book; reflecting on life and just spending time with myself. I miss those times. And now I think I am prepared to do that.

This movie also led me to think, that yes, the internet has taken us to another level of emails and blogs. But writing in letters are still the best and romantic ways of communication isn't it?

So now, in a world within, I would like to do that, to bring back the romantic feel of lovely and pretty things. To try to inculcate my passion in life, where snowglobes have the magical feel to it.

May God inspire me further.

Amen.

P.S Watching movies once in a while is really a great boost to morales.. Next up, i want to watch "Made of Honor"

love,
jewel

The pain in love

Perhaps till the time I get my own child, this is the closest I will get to feeling the pain of love. We adopted a dog recently into my otherwise peaceful family, but my dad, sis and jerome are dog lovers and though i could be selfish enough to demand not having the dog, I cannot seem to put my feet down to doing it.

So yes, we adopted the dog 2 months ago, exactly. Now its 7-8 months old, and I have grown to love the dog! Unbelievable as it is. However, its gotten the habit of biting our shoes, tearing up newspapers, and plastic bags and etc.

So tonight was one of those nights that I had to stay up extremely late to do some work, and I caught him messing up the entire house, with shoes being wet with his saliva too.. I really had to stand there and think, we tried all methods, from hitting him, to scolding him, to being nice about it, and etc but nothing seems to be working, i stood there staring at Mocha, and he sat there with his droopy eyes, keeping all quiet and you really cannot stand being angry with him for long. However, I knew that something had to be done.

So I had a thought, to open the front door and point at it, to tell him to leave. Mocha sat there staring at me, refusing to budge.

After some time, I dragged him by the collar and pulled him to the door, he tried his best to stop and i pushed him out of the house, and closed the gate.

He sat there with his tearful eyes staring at me, I had to harden my heart to point and ask the dog to leave, in my heart I was really afraid he might run away and not come back but i knew i had to keep up the act. Until minutes later, when i opened the door, he placed one paw fearfully in and threaded in softly. That really broke my heart, thats where i had the realisation that there is pain in love. When you want to teach someone you love, you need to be cruel to be kind.

I feel for my parents now, how they must have felt when they reprimanded us in the past. How they must have went back and cried, feeling the pain more than I did.

This really taught me to be more patient and tolerant towards anything.

God may you allow me to bring my family to salvation and for me to provide.

Amen

Jewel

How to hear from God?

Sitting out in the alfresco area of our church, starts me thinking about redefining the lifestyle that i have been leading for the past 25 years.

Finally finished reading Joyce Meyer's "How to hear from God" It took me 2 months to finish reading the whole book, and yet some parts are forgotten already.. These few months of my life have been the most aimless and uninspiring moments I think i ever had so far..

The things that God has done for me are tremendous but my weak and uninspired self does not seem to be focusing on anything. And I seem to be stagnating at where I am.

Redefining my life: To trust God that He will direct my steps, one step at a time. To be at PEACE with the world and everyone else. God blesses my family with a little golden retriever puppy: Doogy! Redefining what my life means, what my purpose is in my life.

The latest book I aspire to finish would be: I Dare you to embrace life with passion; Joyce Meyer. When I was at the darkest moment, God led me to read the preface of this book. May the Lord reveal his revelation to me.

This is really a great place to relax and indulge in some self reflection..

So many choices to make, so many people to account for. Ask what is God's plan for this. Whether or not I feel peace to do any of the above.

God, please help me to close doors of opportunity if you think i should not be walking down that road.

Amen.

Stepping out into the dark and unknown waters

Realised today that its not a bed of roses for these entrepreneurs that have started out and have made it successful. Found out that I had to pay GST for the goods that I wish to import, found out that there might be an issue to import candies as they might be dutiable goods and I might need a licence.

Need to be prepared and do I charge a GST amount or do I need to finalize my art work readily. I wish to do things right in the Lord and thus I need to take that step of faith and not be like what I was in the past to just depend on things to happen. If i want things to take place, I must make the effort to be in the know and be clear of the direction that I am heading.

Am blown away by the ideas that I see all around, am wondering what the focus is then for our business?

Where is the unique selling point?

Everything pastel and then?

I need to start off somewhere, and I pray that God you will guide me and not allow me to be disheartened by the things around me.

I must remain strong to pursue my dreams and make them come true.

Start thinking and be sure.

Amen

God takes care of the little details

I wanted very much to get a casual black bag that is big enough for all my stuff! And while i was shopping at Tiong Bahru plaza today i couldn bare to part with the money to buy one! But God really takes care of the little details in my life.

Pastor Sally bought us gifts for the leaders! And normally wouldn it be a normal gift as she had to buy so many gifts! And she said it was just a simple gift!!!

But when i opened it up, it was a trendy and casual black BIG bag! God is amazing and I really thank Pastor Sally for blessing me!



If God can pay attention to such meticulous details, what more my future and my life? I was asking God for directions in my life, and like what Pastor Sally shared about her life, God is showing her one step at a time and I should trust God and have faith that he will show me where He wants me to go. I will take one step at a time, and he will open and close doors of opportunity for me!

Amen!

Jewel

Corkboard

Amazing Love...

I thought we had a great sharing at cell today. Even at the leaders meeting yesterday, i felt that I learned a lot. Like the "Squeeze a testimonial" from Pastor Sally. It amazes me how much one can take God for granted for the good things that he has given us. When asked to squeeze out a testimonial, everyone had a testimonial and it all blessed my heart. It was great! : ) And we celebrated Jennifer's birthday with a very special pumpkin yam cake! Wah aha!




Darling said to try to thank God every single night for something he did for us today. So I am thinking what can I thank God for today..

I thank God for good friends around me that truly care for me.

I thank God for my family!

I thank God I still have a roof over my head!

I thank God for my darling, what would I do without him?

I thank God that he changed my bedsheet for me cos it was causing an irritation to me for my nose, and re-arranged the donkeys nicely for me so that once i came out of the bath, I had a nice and comfortable bed to sleep in!





I thank God for Pastor Rachel who blessed my sister, jerome and me with chocolate muffins!

I thank God that darling bought me a new camera!!!

And many more..

God is good.. I want to pray hard Lord.

Guide me in your direction.

Amen!

The Cross Roads

I feel as if I have reached a certain crossroad in my life. A split between the envious earning of money, and the chasing of my dreams and passion. I get motivated by the fact that people are earning money, but on the other end it might all not be wat i like. I enjoy being with people, having lunch with my friends, without agendas, and just be who I am. God, this time I really need a sign from you. I really need to know which route am I to take that has your blessings. Close the doors that you do not want me to take.

God, please assist me to know what your place for me in this world is to be. Thank you.

Jewel

Lost dreams and soul

Been very lost recently. Cant seem to get anything going nor wanna sleep early. Yet in the wee hours of the morning, thats the time when you feel the worse. Just like what Pastor Frankie said; we are bounded by our past fears and failures that we cannot move on. We need to change and know that dreams are placed in us for a reason. Confidence in something that i must built in me. Procrastination is something i must get rid. Why am I not looking forward to life, and the future. Everything of me now seems to be stuck only now, this very moment and nothing further than that!

I need my inspiration and my soul back in order for me to chase my dreams. Do not be demoralized. For it will lead to a destruction of your dreams.


May God guide me and be with me on this tough journey that never seems to end. Or rather, its always the darkest before dawn.

Jewel

Organizing my life

Was getting quite excited about the new additions and the new changes in my life. Taking up singing as my passion is something that i have always dreamed of but never ever started. How much of it will be a start of something new I am not sure. But its very rare that I am having that much desire for it. Its always been there but never something that is so real and so strong.

Of course the pressures are even higher.

Need lots of preparation and time scheduling.

God help me in this journey.

Amen

Success...

"From a Banker to a Baker..." these were the words that caught my eye from the magazine: Vanilla.

Almost immediately i took it off the shelf and without perusal went ahead to make payment. At this moment in time, these words are crucial to me. I am contemplating, what is success? What is my passion? Are there any out there who thinks like me? We all strive for a future which we thought; we had it all planned.

We came through the system, fought through our education system. Found a good job that pays well, and struggled through the days and in no time realise that commitments have gotten more, and seemingly we seem to have no other time for our passions...

But till the day our tolerance level reaches its max.. We are at our crossroads.

I came to mine. And the most inspiring thing that happened to me is to find this magazine. There were so many ladies that have went through the same stage as me. And have courageously stepped out in Faith..

In this age, to be able to step out of our comfy careers and get started on our passion is really remarkable. Many a times, I contemplated to give up my dream. To give up my dreams to the realism of financial pressure. But i think our creator above never wishes for us to give up.

I really would encourage many to read the magazine.. Its different truly.

Its real women issues.

Even today in church, Pastor Frankie shared about Success.. or rather it was actually on THOUGHTS.

I am sitting in my room now, thoughts are already encompassing my mind. With the music in the background.. "All that I am, all that I do.. U.R.Y" Beautiful...

Just as I was about to complain about all that I am doing, God sends the sermon message across to me beautifully. Can I do it as unto the Lord?

"You are why I sing, you are why i love?"

I feel happy doing Hungrrry, being able to serve and in future try my baking.

I wanted to complain why is it only me that takes it seriously but i think, i cannot force people to take it as seriously as me. I can only inspire people. And to be a leader, i need to be a servant.

So apt, "Be transformed by the renewal of the mind" was the first words I hear from Pastor Frankie,

We have great potential to do great things for God. All we need to do is to capture our thoughts. God has assigned us and anointed us for greater things.

But what are this great things:

It can be as small as helping the old lady collect cans for a living. Or as big as Mother Theresa helping the poor in the world.

All these are great things, it just depends on the angle and the perspective we look at things.

Not everyone is called to be a Superstar, or a great politician, or a great docter. But everyone is called to do something great in one's life.

I want to pray for a Paradigm shift in my thinking.

"Reprocess your thinking process; put on the mind of Christ."

Pressing toward the Goal

Philippians 3

12 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,[d] but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

God showed me this verse, just as I was feeling burnt out, just as I was afraid and just had a little argument with Jerome.

He is afraid as well, of the life ahead. And I do not want to hold him back from his success. I will be the reason and the motivation for his success.

And as God calls us to press on, we will press on in life and achieve his purpose for us.

Amen.

MVs made by fans

I think its to be applauded, a lot of effort has been placed to do this.. And they know the show very well! haha!





Jewel

My Passion For Singing...

Lets compile a list of songs I will feel for to sing..

Haha! This is OST for It all started with a Kiss...









Jewel

It all started with a kiss 2

It all started with a Kiss

I spent the last 2 days watching this drama serial; it all started with a kiss! Haha! A little slow for me to only see it now, but it set me thinking of alot of things. Many things in life, we have to work for it, and God will give you opportunities but not give you the gift straight away. And all these people who have cool jobs, have worked for it. Even in one of the last few episodes when the Rich "Qian Jing" wanted to marry Zhi Shu, she herself stated that she wanted to "Bu Lao Er Huo" Basically to not work hard for anything, and yet still gain from it. Which turned out fruitless. I am 25 already this year. And there were so many dreams that I wanted to achieve, I believed that God meant for me to do greater things. But i feel stuck here in my life. I need to move on. I need to work hard for my dreams. And not take the easy way out.

But first. I need to clarify my dreams and my prayers to you Lord. Lord may you let me seek your will. What is it for me to do?

A Divine Intervention

I started to pour out my feelings before I started to read my quiet time chapter for tonight.. And the verse for tonight was:

Psalm 56

3 When I am afraid,
I will trust in you.

4 In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I will not be afraid.
What can mortal man do to me?

I know its God's way of re-assuring me, I will not be afraid, I will walk and commit all plans to the Lord. And he will prosper me. Amen.

Thoughts and stuff

I never thought growing up will be so difficult... With many responsibilities and many decisions to make. I want to provide for my daddy and mummy that they might have a good life. But i feel tired chasing and chasing.. I feel tired of the money game. Sometimes i just feel that I dwell too much... and that i need to uproot and take some control in my hands. I need new renewed faith in my life and let not others dictate what i can or cannot do.

Lord, I need your divine intervention in this life of mine. Where i know that human are prone to error, lord help me to ne more like you. To love and to be loved in return. To save my parents, out of despair, loneliness, desperation and the rat race.

May your abundance be on us Lord.

Amen.