Passion New Photos & Cries

Played with the idea of having a Passion Notice Board, writing down all our testimonials for that day and setting goals and targets to work towards it! Need to get down to doing it today, have to prepare for cell later too though!



Yesterday night had another revelation; I felt my heart reaching out to God and I wish there could be someone guiding me and showing me where I should go from here?

After Leaders' Meeting, while we were on our way home, Eric shared with me simply, that 2 obvious gifts I had that I can use to serve God would be through music, my singing. He said, Jewel, no matter how many hard knocks you got, you still chose to stay in the worship team, do not deny it any longer, you should use this to serve God.

He placed a question to me, do I cry when I see alcoholics get saved and healed from their addiction or do i get inspired when i see prophets giving prophecies? Ashley's journal and the things i talk about are the evidence of my calling. I cry when i hear about lives being changed, i cry when there are amazing songs written for God, i cry when souls come to Heaven. I have a heart for outreach, for giving ideas on reaching out. I have a heart to sing for God.

I hardly thought of it this way, I kept thinking that perhaps I am not meant to sing for God, my voice is not good enough, I do not know how to play an instrument, why do i seem not to have the passion for singing, to learn more and etc. On the contrary, its due to the lack of confidence that aunty Gwen was talking about too. The that lack of confidence, will pull my enthusiasm down and that is what that is stopping me from wanting to improve myself any further.

What makes me cry? What makes me sing?

Eric just answered it for me, someone not entirely close to me knew. God works in miraculous ways.

Jewel

Passion sparked by The Passion Movement

I assume being passionate about Christ is really something I need to be very careful about too. That I must be dedicate everything to God and not let my enthusiasm take precedent over the what God's will for me is in this life.

To be able to seek God and then fully let Him take control, takes time and effort on the man's part.

I pray for wisdom and discernment.

Amen.

Love,
Jewel

Is that really you Lord?

Elysia shared with Jerome and I today about Lauren Cunningham (if that is how i spell his name correctly) that he once grew his ministry so big, that he saw a vision of God giving his a big ship to call his ministry own. To use that ship to send out so many youths and supplies that it will be a great milestone to his ministry. He had placed a deposit of US$72,000 and had press releases that they will be getting the ship, many investors have donated their money into the ministry for a greater call.

God showed him a verse that said for what will be shaken, will be shaken and all that is left behind would be the one that will stand forever. So he hesitated and wanted to seek God, to pray until God answers and confirms.

But then God showed him a vision of the boat getting ready to set sail and there was a man sitting beside the boat crying. That man was none other than Jesus Himself. He was crying for the ship that was supposed to be for Him, to do His works, the focus was on the ship, the ministry and not on Jesus Himself. If they had chosen the ship, they would have forsaken Jesus.

He then had to let the ship dream die. For only when he let that dream die, the man part dies, whether it was for a greater cause or not, if its not for God and God is not in it. Then what does it serve. In order for it to mean something, it had to die. And God had to resurrect it, for then it is God who did it. It is for His glory and no one else. Just like why did God let Lazarus die and then resurrect him? It was then will they treasure, and see that is for God.

He had to learn to be humble, he could have not let it go for pride issues since he had the money coming in. But he did not. He called one of his major donors and tried explaining. But the donor said, he considered his investment well spent, as this helped the ministry to be humbled. And since the decision was made, he believed that in further days to come, the ministry will grow even bigger and stronger.

I think it was amazing that God will let Jerome ask Elysia this question. And it is even more amazing that Elysia can answer how do we hear from God and know that it is really Him?

To be able to minister to people, we need to be equipped with stories to tell, with testimonies to share, with bible verses to refer to, with resources to give out.

And that is what I am aiming to become for God!

Yes LORD!

Amen

Jewel

Taking Baby Steps @ a time

I woke up this morning and looked around me, wondering why I seem to always be stuck in some similar situations. And I realised what Sean said yesterday. He said, that its the same as the story of the stone in the middle of the road. There was a man who traveled the same path to the market every month. And every month, he would go through the same road and trip over the same stone. And every single time, he would exclaim in pain of how he should have seen it coming.

Same goes for me, if i always have the same stumbling block in my life, it must be because I have not sat up and paid enough attention to avoid that stumbling block.

So i have decided to take baby steps at a time to walk towards the life that God wants for me.

Amen!

My Road to Discovery

I woke up this chilly morning undecided and unhappy, thought to myself what is life about? Perhaps its due to the monthly moodswing that I have, or its truly bcos I am lost? I felt cold, and just wanted to continue sleeping. I woke up, ate something, and went back to sleep again. In the midst of all the dreaming, I decided that well i could spare some time. But in Joyce Meyer's "I Dare You to embrace life with PASSION", she said, time is our most valuable commodity. So while i am not going to give up, what I feel God has placed in my heart to do, I will start on a Road to Discovery. I will first start with being more observant, being more "deep in God's presence" to see what He wants to tell me about my life. Being more aware of the feelings and the honest emotions that I truly have in my life.

This road to discovery will lead me to God's calling in my life. what may it be? I am excited to find out. My life has only just begun.

Amen.

Love,
Jewel

-on the road to discovery-

The pain in love

Perhaps till the time I get my own child, this is the closest I will get to feeling the pain of love. We adopted a dog recently into my otherwise peaceful family, but my dad, sis and jerome are dog lovers and though i could be selfish enough to demand not having the dog, I cannot seem to put my feet down to doing it.

So yes, we adopted the dog 2 months ago, exactly. Now its 7-8 months old, and I have grown to love the dog! Unbelievable as it is. However, its gotten the habit of biting our shoes, tearing up newspapers, and plastic bags and etc.

So tonight was one of those nights that I had to stay up extremely late to do some work, and I caught him messing up the entire house, with shoes being wet with his saliva too.. I really had to stand there and think, we tried all methods, from hitting him, to scolding him, to being nice about it, and etc but nothing seems to be working, i stood there staring at Mocha, and he sat there with his droopy eyes, keeping all quiet and you really cannot stand being angry with him for long. However, I knew that something had to be done.

So I had a thought, to open the front door and point at it, to tell him to leave. Mocha sat there staring at me, refusing to budge.

After some time, I dragged him by the collar and pulled him to the door, he tried his best to stop and i pushed him out of the house, and closed the gate.

He sat there with his tearful eyes staring at me, I had to harden my heart to point and ask the dog to leave, in my heart I was really afraid he might run away and not come back but i knew i had to keep up the act. Until minutes later, when i opened the door, he placed one paw fearfully in and threaded in softly. That really broke my heart, thats where i had the realisation that there is pain in love. When you want to teach someone you love, you need to be cruel to be kind.

I feel for my parents now, how they must have felt when they reprimanded us in the past. How they must have went back and cried, feeling the pain more than I did.

This really taught me to be more patient and tolerant towards anything.

God may you allow me to bring my family to salvation and for me to provide.

Amen

Jewel

Taking the harder path

I realised that life has been easy, these past 8 months. Resting, eating, sleeping, enjoying life. Though paradoxically, i am not enjoying it much. I aspire more than these. But I am only willing to put it lesser than it is. Thus, why then in the world will I be able to get the reaped harvest.

All along in life, I have allowed myself to fall into the trap of mediocrity, in fact I tell myself that i am above average. Actually I am mediocre, and perhaps lesser than mediocre. I expect less of myself. How then can i expect others to expect more of me. I think that my personality or character will shine more than my appearance. Like what Pastor Kong said, it is those that think they will normally be more eye catching like mary and martha, martha feels that she has done a lot for church, she is the outspoken one, with initiative and zest to scurry around and be busy. But she was in fact unlike mary, who sat at Jesus' feet and asked for more of him. I am Martha. Busy scurrying around trying to change church, change lives, when I myself am not hungry for the word of God, why then should anyone else that I am trying to influence be.

Martha, is too busy, too full of herself and her own capabilities. I need to step aside, and just be in the presence of the Lord. For once, just dwell and not think that I have contributed so much to church.

I have been excaping all this while. Escaping from the truth and the reality. I have been lazy and unconsistent. I need to change. Its time I learnt how to be a woman. There will not be any Fairy Godmother, who will appear and change me immediately into a Princess. Its not going to be as easy as it seems in the movies. People who made it in life, are all self taught, and self learnt. They aspire and dream, then they go about finding the way to do it. Make full use of their resources to do all that they are able to do.

I have decided that I will face up to my reality and work towards my dream, be disciplined and not be lazy. Be the one that God wlll be proud of.

I will make myself out to be the woman i want to become.

Lord, help me, to walk the path that I should walk, graciously and I will be able to fly higher than an eagle.. I will be able to soar for the Lord.

Amen

Jewel

Leadership

Its true what Jerome said yesterday of me; I am lost, depressed. And most importantly tired out, thinking I do too much, thinking that I have sacrificed much. Looking back on the days that I have seeked to prove my worth in the bank. But the days are in the past and I have to learn what I need to learn from those lessons. Whether I am ready to accept the huge responsibility that God might have for me. The plans that God has in store for me. To be self employed or rather to go out on my own at a time like this to explore seems fearful. But God will always be there to hold my hand should I fall. The qualities of a leader I read from simpletruths.com gave me new light. The story of Kindness, and yet not expecting anything in return, tat is what I really call an act of kindness. So I see it that sacrifice without expecting anything, without recognition, or complaints is the truest form of rock solid leadership. I need to learn how to do advanced planning and to influence those that I need to influence.

2 weeks from now, I need to take cell. Lord, I pray that you will give me the strength and the ideas and the words you wish for me to share about. Lord, may you take over and let the influence that you wish to have be imparted.

I need strength and most importantly discipline as I step out. I cannot turn back and look and think that the world will stop for me. Only take what I can take. The discipline I had when I first joined Citi. The drive and determination. I will need to succeed to give my parents what they should deserve and before any illnesses or old age comes upon them, I would like them to enjoy life. Most importantly I wish to inspire Jerome and be the woman behind his success. That his family will be ready to accept Christ and most importantly for them to move to another level in life. I must do it. There is no one that will help me but myself. I will trust in the Lord and soar on Eagles wings. Let my life be a testimonial to others and may I be a great leader unto you Lord. I pray that you will give me the Long-term vision, and the strive for excellence in all that I do. That I will Plan, I will be disciplined. And my enthusiasm never be killed... It’s never by me alone... Lord let me take on this responsibility and t sacrifice without complaints, to have the humility in myself, to influence and change lives, and only those that I am able to change Lord. and the Perseverance to go on...

I need to be prepared, to let my siblings take on a new level in life, for my parents to be saved. To change myself for once and for all... to not accept mediocrity as a norm. But to take on my charge in this life. As William Penn said, I will only pass through this life once. I need to make the most out of it, for I will only have one chance. Once chance to be 25. Only once to pass through 5th June 2007.. once its gone, it’s gone forever.

I need to take charge of my life on my own, with God's help. I cannot wait and hide no more. Time waits for no man.

Isaac once said that I will be able to make the devil fear me for what I can do.. Jerome said many a times, that if I put my heart and soul into anything, I will be able to do it. Mr. Ong once said that he is sure I am capable to be successful, all my colleagues thinks I can make it. Dede always thinks I can do it if I set my heart to it. Nicole and Sean think so too. Even Aunty Gwen once said that Jewel, you will the light that shines bright for many to come to Christ. Even Cyn's mum thinks that of me.

Inside of me, I am the only one who thinks that I cannot. I am the only one who thinks tat I cant. I am the only one with the fear.

Lord let me be courageous in you and dare to dream and aspire to fly.

Let my life be glorified unto you.

Amen.

Jewel Tan

Billionaire Dream

My latest aspiration: TO BE A BILLIONAIRE.

Heard from Marcus, that if one were to be a Billionaire, you would have to spend a million dollars every day for three years before finishing up your fortune. It inspired me. Inspired me because then I would be able to do so many things, help so many people. Even if I spend a million dollars buying properties everyday, the law of investments, I might end up making money instead. Haha! : p

Ching Koon said, one day if i were to appear on the newspapers as a Bilionaire, he would eat the papers up, Haha! I think there will be such a day. Amen. But only if God willing.

Amen.

New Thoughts for Budgeting

Isaac got a PSP from Scratch and Win! haha!!! Thinking if i should buy from him, haha! but I think that I really do not need it, sigh and ya its true, my bro already got one already it will be extra cost for 2007. This year I wanna budget myself and that is my resolution! Amen! Will keep to that! Okie, guess he can get a better deal to sell it off on the net!! : (

Jewel